As I sit here and think about what I want to write about today, I figured why not make a list of things that I have recently come to realize and accept. Not only to share with others but as a reminder to myself. I mentioned in my last post that I have felt a change in myself. I believe that is mostly because I stopped looking so hard for "why?" and prayed about it instead. Below I will list five things I have realized along with what has changed because of those realizations.
1. Not everything needs a reaction! Even if we have to bite our tongue until we bleed, we will appreciate it in the end!
What has changed: I don't find myself constantly beating myself up and thinking "I shouldn't have said that". It is so peaceful! When I do feel the need to speak on something, I pray that I can do it in a honoring, respectful way.
2. It's okay if not everyone is jumping up and down with excitement because of your change and growth.
What has changed: Recently I have really been putting my energy into praying again, refraining from gossiping, and adjusting my attitude toward certain things. Some people think that I have lost my mind and it's just a phase. That's okay!! Jesus tells us that people will think we are crazy! Just keep pushing forward, they will understand in due time. If not, still continue to push forward!
3. The change that I am looking for is not going to happen over night!
What has changed: I have accepted that I have already made a huge step by committing to work on myself and the rest is not going to come over night! Yes, I have come a long way but I have an even longer way to go. I'm trying to stop beating myself up on the days I fall short. We will fall short EVERY SINGLE DAY. We are human!
4. When I adjusted my attitude and prayed for help, my days have been so much easier!
What has changed: Moment of truth right here, guys! I have a major attitude problem. Things irritate me in two seconds and I can get very snappy. I don't like that about myself. It makes my days frustrating and it's unfair to my kind, patient fiancé. Since I have started praying about it, it's like God taps me on the shoulder and tells me to watch myself. This is something that I struggle with daily but prayer and being conscience of when I am doing it has helped beyond words.
5. You can't do both!!!
What has changed: This is a big one for me and something I have struggled with for years. It is impossible to still go about things as you did before you developed a relationship with Christ. You cannot straggle the fence on this one! It even sounds silly to get drunk all the time and still try to make progress as a Christian. In the Bible it says that we have to have a sober mind! Realizing this has changed a lot for me and gave me a more stable mind, and heavy conscious. Everyone please join me in working on this. Even if it's not necessarily drinking. It could be anything! People, things, behavior. Let's not try to do both, let's focus on the rewarding side!
If you know me personally, you know that when I did drink, it was a lot. You know that I didn't have any limits. I drank until I couldn't walk straight. I realize now how dishonoring that was. To myself, to God, and to the people around me. It was maybe a once a month thing when I would get like that but that is still too much. It wasn't worth it. I gained nothing.
God has truly taken that desire away from me. I can say that I am learning that I can enjoy myself without being drunk. I actually enjoy myself even more. Just this weekend I celebrated my bachelorette party with a couple of my closest friends. What was different for me was rather than hammering down shots all night and getting carried out, I left sober. It was great! When I met back up with my fiancé we enjoyed each other's company, shared stories from our night, and talked about how happy we both were that I wasn't drunk. It was very refreshing!
I still have a very long way to go. I struggle with things every single day. It seems that sometimes I'm asking for forgiveness for the same thing over and over. It feels like I have let God down and myself as well. The wonderful thing is that He knows I'm not going to change overnight. He's proud of me for the baby steps. He knows what I will struggle with each day before it even happens. He will be with me every step of the way. I'm not perfect nor will I ever be, I am just trying to be the woman that God created me to be hoping that I can inspire others along the way.